Be vewy vewy quiet...

Any experienced game hunter knows that there are many different species of White Belt. To bag the maximum amount, you must use the proper strategy for each type.

Gi-rillas: These are generally the larger varieties, and can be recognized by the way they repeatedly grunt, and try to deadlift their opponents. They also like to wantonly yank on limbs, presumably so they can tear them off and have a trophy to take home. The best way to deal with these types is to just let them keep bench-pressing you until they get tired. This usually only takes a couple minutes, but if you relax enough you can get a quick nap in, before you make them take one.

Nogi-rillas: Exactly the same as above, except they refuse to wear gis. Frequently former wrestlers.

Spazmanian Devils: Usually the smaller types. They are known for their constant movement, quickness, and complete lack of direction. They don't know where they are going, they just know they need to move. Do not allow yourself to get dizzy by watching them whirl around, just focus on the horizon until you can catch them. They may punch or kick you when you get close, but by the time you get a hold of one, they will most likely be too tired to keep fighting.

Sitting Ducks: These come in all shapes and sizes, but they can be recognized by the look of sheer terror on their faces. They may either appear to be frozen, or they may seem to be experiencing an internal earthquake. Although this species can easily be submitted simply by mean-mugging, it is usually considered poor sport to hunt them.

I have just touched on some of the more common species of White Belt that can be found on the mat. Other varieties include Turtler, Headhugger, Smashy the Whale, and Old Yeller (by far the most dangerous to encounter, if you happen to run across one, you must put them down as quickly as possible). With knowledge such as this, and a little experience, it becomes easier to figure out which type of White Belt you are dealing with, and to use the proper bait. Happy hunting!

Gina Ethridge