Warning! Do not attempt anything contained in this post.

These stunts were performed by a professional on a closed course. Because situations like these will never arise in real life, please do not attempt to duplicate them, you might die.

So, once again I made the annual pilgrimage to Sturgis, SD for Bike Rally Week. As usual the trip was filled with adventure and lots of good stories. Ty and I motored in to Sturgis about mid afternoon, giving us time to check things out and find a place to park our bikes and pitch our tents in town. By early evening, we strolled over to the Loud American Roadhouse, where an old friend of mine works during the rally week. We ordered up our beers and my friend let us know there was no charge. When we ordered our second round, again, my friend comped the drinks. As it turned out, he comped our beers all night! This was great of course, except I'm not a big drinker at all, so I was basically drunk after the first beer. We had a great night with our street-side seats, listening to the band and meeting lots of people.

By closing time I was ready to crash. We stumbled back to our tents and I crawled in, ready for a good night's sleep. Ty had other plans, however. First he started shaking my tent and taunting me. I would yell out, "knock it off, Ty! Go to bed. This went on for about a minute. Then he started reaching inside my tent and was hitting the top of my head. Every time he would reach in, and I would say knock it off, I was thinking, the next time he reaches in, I'm going to come out of this tent and kick his ass.

It was the strangest thing I've done in a long time, but I finally had enough of Ty's taunting, so I crawled out of my tent and proceeded to wrap him up and slip on a rear naked choke. Ty's a former college football player and still works out, so he's no slouch. He fought with every ounce of energy he had until he realized there was no escape and gave up.

I think he must have thought I was just lucky because as soon as I let go and started back for my tent, he grabbed me from behind and started to slip on a choke. The first thing that came out of my mouth, in a low, calm voice, "tell me you didn't just try to choke me out." I slipped out and top mounted him. I did everything I could think of to make it the most painful, frustrating and annoying experience for him. When he had nothing left, I put on a key lock and started slowly cranking on his arm. I continued to slowly tighten it up and was telling him I didn't want to hurt him, and that he should give up. I took the arm to the limit, but he still wouldn't tap. He finally asked what was going to happen if he didn't tap and I said his arm would break, so he finally tapped. Thankfully, Ty had enough for one night and went to sleep.

The next morning, I saw that my clothes were covered in dirt and grass stains, and one of my tent poles was busted. I asked Ty how his arm was doing and he said it was a little sore. Obviously this was not one of my finer moments, and probably why I don't drink alcohol. But all in all, there was a good lesson to be learned. If you ever find yourself in a drunken brawl and are using Jiu-Jitsu to win the fight, go for the rear naked choke. I'm not talking about a respiratory choke where there's pressure on a windpipe. Just your basic vascular choke so as not to do any permanent damage. Drunk people don't feel the pain and aren't thinking rationally enough to know that if they don't submit, their arm will break or tendons will tear.