Jiu-Jitsu can be like a bad relationship

I’m going to go out on limb here to make an unlikely comparison on which to base a metaphor. Although I have little to no formal education in psychiatry, psychology, sociology, counseling, etc., I have worked the city streets of Lincoln for twelve years so that should count for something. Of course I’m cynical and almost completely desensitized to human suffering, so you may not want to take any of my advice.

Just like the rut that many people fall into by always finding themselves in a destructive relationship, many grapplers fall into a similar pattern of self destructive behavior on the mat. Even when they’re aware that what they’re doing will most likely end horribly, they can’t seem to change the way they grapple. They consistently make the same “mistakes” or find themselves in the same situations over and over again. Now I’m not referring to the new student that doesn’t know any better. Some folks learn quickly from their mistakes. I’m talking about the student who’s been around long enough to know better. This is the student that acts like it’s their first day of training, every day. Why is this?

Much like this type of Jiu-Jitsu student, bad relationships seem to follow some people around. Why would a man always end up dating a woman who is controlling and jealous even though the relationship always crashes and burns the same way every time? Why would a woman always end up with an abusive man, or continually go back to the same man?

I believe it has to do with an inherent need to stay within one’s comfort zone, to always fall back on what’s most familiar and comfortable. Once a person “figures out” the ins and outs of these bad relationships, it’s easier to convince oneself that it’s normal. Right or wrong, people do this because they know the role they’re supposed to play because they’ve done it for so long. Many people need this type of continuity in their lives even if it appears they’ll fail miserably. It is these routines that define the constructs of our daily lives that help us to cope throughout the day. For some, when they get out of that routine, or stray from their comfort zone, their life spirals out of control.

There’s an expectation that a new student will struggle at first because everything is new. The student knows this, the teacher knows this, and the fellow students know this. Once that new student gets over the initial hump of the uneasiness and anxiety of learning something new, and begins to realize they can do some of the things they’re being taught, it’s easy to blanket oneself in this cloak of false security. As an adult learner, it can be a very humbling experience to open yourself up to such close scrutiny and criticism of your physical abilities. People can generally come to terms with this at the beginning, as it’s a necessary evil to begin the learning process, but to continually do this over an extended period, such as for the rest of your grappling career, most folks don’t have the patience, nor lack of ego to do this.

So I was going over guard retention techniques the other day in class when I started to think about all of this. I was watching as some of the more senior students were practicing and noticed that some of them weren’t incorporating all of the new techniques. They were still falling back on what they knew, what they’ve always done. With a little coaxing and reassurance that the new movements were a good thing and would help them once they became more familiar, these students began to see the light. So if my senior students that day were struggling with accepting something foreign, how were the newer students responding to the instruction?

My thoughts began to focus on that small percentage of students who will try and initially fail at their attempts to incorporate the new movements. Not wanting to venture too far outside of their comfort zone, those students could very well write off the techniques as being too “unnatural” or difficult to use. They will ease back into their bad relationship with Jiu-Jitsu.

If you’re challenged by what you’re learning, this is a good thing. It means you have something to work towards. Knowing that many folks will not rise to the challenge, but rather will take refuge in their comfort zone, you should know that once you overcome the challenge you will be a better grappler than those who didn’t.