The Agony of Defeat

The agony of defeat is what makes us better and stronger than we were before. Everybody loses at some point. No one is undefeated. It’s the law of the land. I know what you’re thinking. Fedor is undefeated, that one doctor stoppage due to a cut doesn’t count. To you I say no human is undefeated. Last night, two of our athletes, Ali and Will, suffered losses in the cage.

Ali already had one MMA victory under his belt and has years of experience in the boxing ring. His confidence and poise are that of a seasoned fighter. During last night’s fight, Ali was caught with a punch that knocked him off his feet. You could say that he lost traction and his foot slipped. You could say it was a flash knockout. Maybe his opponent just got lucky or possibly Ali dropped his hands for just a moment. At the end of the day, none of that matters because the referee deemed it a knockout and stopped the fight, awarding Ali’s opponent the victory.

Will has been consistently training for about six months, honing his Jiu-Jitsu and boxing skills. This was his debut in the cage. Sadly (and painfully) his bout ended by doctor stoppage due to a rather large laceration on his head. Will looked like death warmed over after the fight and I’m certain he feels worse today.

Losing a fight can be one of the most demoralizing things to happen. It causes us to be introspective, to look inward at our performance as if the answer is in there somewhere. The more we wanted that victory, and the harder that we trained for it, all makes the loss that much more unbearable. We don’t want to accept that there was something more we could have done, but didn’t do. We don’t want to have to deal with the fact that someone was better than us at that moment. The fight is the ultimate test of our ability, the culmination of all of our training and preparation. And to have all of our hopes taken away can sometimes be too much for us to handle. Unfortunately it is human nature for us to look at that loss as if it is an affront to our very manhood. The greatest fear of man is to give the appearance of weakness.

Immediately following that loss is the time we will most likely be at our lowest, but there is hope and it will get better. Time, in fact, does heal our wounds, both physical and emotional. There is a process of self reflection, however, that we must endure before we can begin to move forward.

When the pain of defeat starts to fade and is no longer at the forefront of every single thought, the process of healing has begun. But we must give ourselves permission to forgive ourselves, and then do just that. Once we have accepted this seemingly insignificant act, we are then blessed with the power to work toward being better than we were before.

Just like the old adage about getting back on the horse, we must pick ourselves up and start the process all over again. It is during this time that we become hungry. The moments of self pity have passed and are replaced with feelings of desire, the desire to redeem ourselves. We look forward to the day of reckoning.

The truth of the matter is that all of those who are closest to us don’t think any less of us because of the loss. Surely, they are happy and proud when we win, but we are no less loved and respected because of a loss. To have climbed into the cage in the first place is so courageous in and of itself. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. But it isn’t and they don’t.

To all of our fighters who have recently tasted the bitterness of defeat in the cage, your desire to come back stronger than you were before is what fuels our respect and admiration for you.

This video is from Ali’s March 14th win in Ashland. Ali, you did me proud. You looked like a true Jiu-Jitsu fighter. Who would have predicted that outcome? It’s the classic tale of the stand-up fighter who pulls out a win by out grappling and submitting his opponent.